Letting go of "Perfection"

It is VBS week, and I am running the "theatre" portion of the shin-dig. Might I just say that I   L-O-V-E      VBS week! Was that too many Caps Letters? So, it's VBS week, and I will be coming to church every morning from 9-12 with my hubby and 3 girlies in tow. So far, so good. The best part for myself, I am realizing, is that God does so much more in my own heart when I am teaching children about Him.

We are supposed to have a child-like faith, and there is no time when it is more evident what that looks like, then when helping at Vacation Bible School.

I have begun filling in as worship leader once a month in "Big Church" (that's what we call our main Sanctuary when we're talking to our kids), so our main leader, and my dear friend, gets a break (she has three girls, and is pregnant with her fourth- girl- by the way). I shared with the church this last Sunday about how we can make our faith SO complicated sometimes, when really it is so simple.

For instance, when it comes to prayer for me, I always over-complicate things. I have been a christian since I was about 3 years old and I received the Lord at a Kids' Maranatha club in the back of our now Children's building, next to the stinky egg-water sink, and some caring adults who really loved Jesus. I feel so blessed to not remember my life without God, but sometimes it makes me stale. Sometimes, I forget that it's not about the routine of prayer, or the ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication). Well, it is... but it's not about being sure that I've checked off each item, in order, and that I've told God in some eloquent fashion how I've followed what He's asked me to at T, and punched my prayer time card, and now can I move on to the real tasks that need to get done?? NO! It's about my relationship with Him. It's about remembering that before the foundation of the world, He knew me, He loved me, He made a way for me- through His son, a way to bask in His presence when I don't deserve it. It is true beauty in its' purest form, to know that I get to receive every day, the most precious gift that I will never deserve. Because it's just that... a gift.

I feel like I'm rambling, but God has been dealing with SO much in my own heart this week. Like the whole "I'm perfect" bandwagon that so many are jumping onto. I'm so imperfect that I can't even pose as a perfectionist. Reality is this: I am human. I am a broken human, with no hope, except for that found in the cross, and praise the Lord that that is the only hope anyone will ever need. Also reality: I am a mother of three- five and under, I am not a type A personality, and I'm pretty sure that I have something rotten in almost every single diaper bag I own, and I really often feel more like a walking zombie than an alive person.

Confession: Before this week, I was in a dirty house/ depression funk, and my dishes were sitting a whole week! I kept thinking that I should get up and clean something, but I knew that I wouldn't get done with it, and I would be interrupted probably close to 517 times before that one thing would be complete. Confession #2: My children don't get their hair brushed and perfectly styled every day, nor do they ever match, and their outfits don't even go together most days. I am exhausted every day until my head hits the pillow at night, and I stay up way too late, because that's when it's quiet. I love my kids beyond belief, but I also struggle to be Kind, Loving, and Gentle (the three things we try to be most in our house). Most days I'm cranky, grumpy, and emotional.

When I step back and ask myself why do I feel cranky, grumpy, and emotional, I realize that it's the "Perfection" bandwagon that I've been pretending to be on. It's so silly. It is the comparing myself to everyone else who comes perfectly organized and prepared, and dressed matching, and smiles on that makes me crazy. Those are just things that we will never be, and I'm learning to be o.k. with that. I am reading a book called No More Perfect Moms, and it is opening my eyes to so much. I'm realizing that I am the only one who even cares that I'm not like all of the other "perfect" moms. And they are all pretending too.  I am learning that Jesus is all that really matters in motherhood. So long as I do my very best everyday to follow Him, and to lead my family to Him, then the rest will fall into place. It will never be perfect, because I am not perfect, and that's o.k.

It's so freeing to be o.k. with the minimum amount. Just to say to myself, "So what if I'm interrupted 517 times during this one task. Maybe it will be the only thing I get done today, but that's ok". To not care if someone shows up for a surprise visit, because this is who I really am, and I don't want to deny myself or the people in my lives the reality of who I really am, or the comfort to them in knowing that they are not alone.

Anywho... I could go on for ages, but I won't, because it's becoming the witching hour, and that scares me. So in closing I will leave you with this, my new favorite song. Oceans (Where Feet May Fail).  The lyrics are what gets me:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sov'reign hand will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

Oh and You are mine oh

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oh Jesus yeah my God

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

Good Evening, and I hope you find this as a middle-of-the-week pick me up! You go mom, whatever is your best is what's best for your family!! :0) So breathe a sigh of relief and know that your house doesn't have to be spotless, your kids perfectly behaved, dressed in matchy matches, and smiles pasted. We are real, live, imperfect, human beings, but with Him we can do the job we have, to the best of our ability... not anyone else's. 

Stinkin' Vanity... and Worship

Hello There.

How is your Sunday? Restful, I hope. :)
So, I made a dumb, dumb, dumb mistake this weekend. It was the kind of mistake you know you probably shouldn't go forth with before you start, but you do anyways. You know, like cutting your bangs on a weird impulse, or painting your toenails in the car with the most hideous color, or brushing your curls out just before pictures. That kind of a mistake. Well, I was up close to the mirror (never a good idea, I definitely do not recommend that). I gazed at myself, and realized that my mustachio has regrown. Now, it is not a nasty 'stach like a manstach, or anything like that. It just looks slightly like lobster claws at the corner of my lips, and to me, it is very noticeable. Then again, I was an inch from the mirror. I had an idea- (this is when my husband usually teases me and says, "well, there's a first time for everything", and then I probably slap his arm, and tell him he's bad, and we laugh). I looked in my medicine cabinet, in search of what I knew I had, yes, there it was, my nair. Specifically designed for the upper lip. Now, I have used this in the past successfully, and then I have used it and fried my lip. This time, I decided, I would leave it on for a short period of time (unaware of where the instructions were), and then I would wipe it away immediately at the first signs of any sting. So I put it on. I started counting ( I really don't know why), and at 5 felt the burn. But this was much too soon, the burn shouldn't happen until 30, but it was burning now... hmm. So, I just let it burn for 25 more seconds and wiped it off. Basically, I have slept with A+D on my burnt upper lip for the past two nights, and now have two scaly patches where my lobster claws still remain. Lesson learned.. 'Don't ever use 3 year old nair', and 'Don't ever use nair when you can't find the instructions'.

Secondly, I lead worship on Monday nights for this really awesome ministry that my husband and I are currently in charge of. The crowd who attends varies, mostly in numbers (which we are doing our best not to focus on, as the numbers have been very low). I will say that the crowd is most 38+ in age. I have been really into contemporary Worship, such as Hillsong, and Kari Jobe, and Shane and Shane... etc. However, in leading these songs, I have realized that they are not striking the right chord with this group. My heart is really to lead them into worship that they can really sing out to God in a connected, joyous way. I want them to relate to the songs. I want them to feel as though they are able to pour out their everything with the words they are singing, and I just know it's not happening. How can you pour your heart out when the words you are singing are unfamiliar to you?

I have decided that this week we are going old school. The songs I have selected are not necessarily MY favorite songs in the world, but they do have really powerful messages behind them, and they are more in line with the popular songs of our attendees' "glory days" shall I say? I hope and pray that this will allow them a much easier and focused time of worship. Where they can lay everything else aside, and just come before His throne to praise Him.

That's about it I think. So, tomorrow I will be leading Old School worship with my lobster claw patchy skin. :) I'm so glad that God doesn't care what we look like. He cares about our hearts. Remember that.