Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Letting go of "Perfection"

It is VBS week, and I am running the "theatre" portion of the shin-dig. Might I just say that I   L-O-V-E      VBS week! Was that too many Caps Letters? So, it's VBS week, and I will be coming to church every morning from 9-12 with my hubby and 3 girlies in tow. So far, so good. The best part for myself, I am realizing, is that God does so much more in my own heart when I am teaching children about Him.

We are supposed to have a child-like faith, and there is no time when it is more evident what that looks like, then when helping at Vacation Bible School.

I have begun filling in as worship leader once a month in "Big Church" (that's what we call our main Sanctuary when we're talking to our kids), so our main leader, and my dear friend, gets a break (she has three girls, and is pregnant with her fourth- girl- by the way). I shared with the church this last Sunday about how we can make our faith SO complicated sometimes, when really it is so simple.

For instance, when it comes to prayer for me, I always over-complicate things. I have been a christian since I was about 3 years old and I received the Lord at a Kids' Maranatha club in the back of our now Children's building, next to the stinky egg-water sink, and some caring adults who really loved Jesus. I feel so blessed to not remember my life without God, but sometimes it makes me stale. Sometimes, I forget that it's not about the routine of prayer, or the ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication). Well, it is... but it's not about being sure that I've checked off each item, in order, and that I've told God in some eloquent fashion how I've followed what He's asked me to at T, and punched my prayer time card, and now can I move on to the real tasks that need to get done?? NO! It's about my relationship with Him. It's about remembering that before the foundation of the world, He knew me, He loved me, He made a way for me- through His son, a way to bask in His presence when I don't deserve it. It is true beauty in its' purest form, to know that I get to receive every day, the most precious gift that I will never deserve. Because it's just that... a gift.

I feel like I'm rambling, but God has been dealing with SO much in my own heart this week. Like the whole "I'm perfect" bandwagon that so many are jumping onto. I'm so imperfect that I can't even pose as a perfectionist. Reality is this: I am human. I am a broken human, with no hope, except for that found in the cross, and praise the Lord that that is the only hope anyone will ever need. Also reality: I am a mother of three- five and under, I am not a type A personality, and I'm pretty sure that I have something rotten in almost every single diaper bag I own, and I really often feel more like a walking zombie than an alive person.

Confession: Before this week, I was in a dirty house/ depression funk, and my dishes were sitting a whole week! I kept thinking that I should get up and clean something, but I knew that I wouldn't get done with it, and I would be interrupted probably close to 517 times before that one thing would be complete. Confession #2: My children don't get their hair brushed and perfectly styled every day, nor do they ever match, and their outfits don't even go together most days. I am exhausted every day until my head hits the pillow at night, and I stay up way too late, because that's when it's quiet. I love my kids beyond belief, but I also struggle to be Kind, Loving, and Gentle (the three things we try to be most in our house). Most days I'm cranky, grumpy, and emotional.

When I step back and ask myself why do I feel cranky, grumpy, and emotional, I realize that it's the "Perfection" bandwagon that I've been pretending to be on. It's so silly. It is the comparing myself to everyone else who comes perfectly organized and prepared, and dressed matching, and smiles on that makes me crazy. Those are just things that we will never be, and I'm learning to be o.k. with that. I am reading a book called No More Perfect Moms, and it is opening my eyes to so much. I'm realizing that I am the only one who even cares that I'm not like all of the other "perfect" moms. And they are all pretending too.  I am learning that Jesus is all that really matters in motherhood. So long as I do my very best everyday to follow Him, and to lead my family to Him, then the rest will fall into place. It will never be perfect, because I am not perfect, and that's o.k.

It's so freeing to be o.k. with the minimum amount. Just to say to myself, "So what if I'm interrupted 517 times during this one task. Maybe it will be the only thing I get done today, but that's ok". To not care if someone shows up for a surprise visit, because this is who I really am, and I don't want to deny myself or the people in my lives the reality of who I really am, or the comfort to them in knowing that they are not alone.

Anywho... I could go on for ages, but I won't, because it's becoming the witching hour, and that scares me. So in closing I will leave you with this, my new favorite song. Oceans (Where Feet May Fail).  The lyrics are what gets me:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sov'reign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Oh and You are mine oh

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oh Jesus yeah my God

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Good Evening, and I hope you find this as a middle-of-the-week pick me up! You go mom, whatever is your best is what's best for your family!! :0) So breathe a sigh of relief and know that your house doesn't have to be spotless, your kids perfectly behaved, dressed in matchy matches, and smiles pasted. We are real, live, imperfect, human beings, but with Him we can do the job we have, to the best of our ability... not anyone else's. 

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